I lived.

And so another year catapulted past, and all that remains is a mess of memories, an embarrassing number of candid photographs, and miscellaneous trinkets bearing immeasurable meaning. Since the minute I got home, I've just been napping away all the hours of sleep debt I accumulated throughout the year- the rest that I lost in favour of sweaty hugs with best friends and strangers at pulsing clubs, finishing off assignments as deadlines inched their way closer at a frightening pace, and deep conversations held at the the break of dawn of which we'd forget every word by the time the sun peeked out again. 

Perhaps it's time to backtrack through everything that happened in the span of 365 days. I waded through some of the most heart-wrenching sadness I've ever felt, trod through loneliness and confusion, hilarity and excitement, and experienced some of the most ecstatic moments of my life. If there is one thing that I have learned this year, it's that complete happiness is unattainable indefinitely.  But it is possible to encounter those flashes of pure bliss and I discovered them consistently. I have had, without a doubt in the world, the best year of my entire life, but you can only appreciate the sweetness if you know what bitterness tastes like. As Jonathan Safran Foer phrases it, "You can't protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." I felt a lot of the emotions on the spectrum, and I think that is what helped me appreciate everything on a different level. 

So I lived, I lived, I lived. I moved to a new country on my own. I started living in a flat with 4 complete strangers. I had to start completely from scratch, take initiative and pave my own path. I made friends. I learned how to cook. I travelled to 10 different countries. I had a million other experiences wedged into the cracks of my life. Simply put, I lived. 

So here we go. It's time to recollect, retell, reevaluate and relive the best, the worst, and the insignificantly significant of my 2013/2014 in Edinburgh.

Home is where the heart is, and Edinburgh, you have stolen my heart since the minute I set foot on Scottish soil. I am lucky to be able to call you home. 

Home again, home again, jiggety jig.

Here I sit, back at the blog, accompanied by a tiny carton of vanilla ice cream and a stuffy head crammed with thoughts.

So here is the 411.

Life, at this moment in time, is altogether quite alright.

Obviously there are worries and a small crumb within me is stressed about something. The hot topics on the stress list are as follows:
-Uni
-The musical that I am producing.
-Getting the grades I need during this last semester.
-Life

In other words, it's the usual menu.

The past couple of weeks have been filled with longing. And I've finally pinpointed what it is that I am longing for, and it's writing.

So I ceremoniously creased the cover of a striped notebook I bought at least 5 years ago, and I've begun filling it up with things that I wrote in the past. Hopefully today's observations and two former poems will be joined by more writing in the days to come.

And to end this post, I present to you a angst-filled quote that I love dearly, by none other than good ol' Scott Fitzgerald.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

18

Somewhere, amidst all that homework and university applications and the big mess that we call life, I stopped writing. I just lost the time. Everything was about absorption and regurgitation. Book after book produced essay after essay. It gets to your head, really. Something in me yearns to write. I may be rusty, but it's something that I just need to do. So I'll start now.

In just less than two days, I turn 18.
Legal as a seagull, as I like to put it. The chains will disappear at the strike of 12, and then I'm free to run wherever I'd like.

It used to scare me. I remember when I was younger, and I thought that this would be some sort of incredible moment when everything would suddenly, and finally, be in the palm of my hand. But after many years, I've realized that the world isn't small enough to fit into the palm of my hand. That fireworks weren't going to explode in celebration just because the 8 replaced the 7. That I would wake up and still be the same person. Age is but a number.

I have learned so much during the past few years. I learn things every day. I've learned that not everybody is nice. I've learned that sometimes, those who fake their way to the top, do get there in the end. I've learned that sometimes our efforts don't get rewarded. The world isn't ideal. We wish it were. And heck, there is no harm in seeing reality in a positive light, but we get screwed over. That's a fact.

We have our dreams stamped on. We see through facades. We have our hearts broken. We have to make tough choices. We cry because life simply isn't fair.

For me, turning 18 used to be about the fact that I would be able to walk into a bar and order a beer. But what I have come to realize, is that I don't feel the same way anymore.

Turning 18 is about marking the end of a section of the journey. The completion of one stretch of the long road ahead of me. I am nowhere near the end.

Turning 18 has made me realize that I've grown up. I will learn new things until the day I die, but I think I've come a long way.

18 means that my period as a child will end. Of course it's something that I mourn. But after all the experiences that I have had and the naiveness that I have lost (both for the better and for the worse), I am no longer able to remain in the children's category. After all this exposure to reality, after becoming tainted and tougher, I can't remain a child anymore. I've seen too much.

But that's life. We move on. If we didn't, we'd get bored. It's about rolling forward. Slowly, but surely. I don't have to run away when I turn 18. It'll be a slow walk away from the era I spent 18 comfortable years in.

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Title- The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockingjay

Author- Suzanne Collins

Rating- 4.5/5

Comments- For the last two months or so my sister has been constantly nagging at me to "Hurry up and read the Hunger Games." and I've watched her wait impatiently to get her hands on the two sequels. At the same time, my friends have been discussing the cast of the upcoming movie version. And simultaneously, most of the world has been raving about it. So obviously, I wanted to see what this was all about.

Wow. It grabs you and doesn't let go. And it is just so addictive! I just burned my way through the series, and I couldn't get enough until I hit the end.


The story is set around a girl named Katniss, living in a post-apocalyptic society. At the drawing of contestants for an annual competition known as "The Hunger Games" she becomes one of the players in this "game" that the government has produced for entertainment. The game involves 24 contestants, with one male and one female from each of the 12 districts making up their world, where the players compete in survival by killing off other contestants. The last person living becomes the winner. 


It's through this game that Suzanne Collins displays the idea of a totalitarian society with a government that is completely unwilling to allow citizens to have any say in their society. This builds up into the rebellion of the citizens, making this an adventure you do not want to stop following.


I'll only say one thing more- read them!

Angels and Demons

Title- Angels and Demons

Author- Dan Brown

Rating- 4/5

Comments- My mother has always told me this. There are three things one should never talk about in the company of those who they do not deem "close". Religion. Politics. People. And most of the time, talking about any of the three topics can result very badly. I don't mean to say that it does this every time, but the vast majority of these occasions do not end well. 


So I was quite in shock to find how neutral Dan Brown had managed to convey most of the religious aspects in Angels and Demons. Alright, it is fiction, therefore the content of the book can all be labeled as completely untrue, but there were moments in the story where Dan Brown seemed to formulate completely the ideas that people have tried to convey for years. There was a particular moment in the story that spanned several pages, of an explanation of the boundaries between science and religion that I found so well-put that it amazed me terribly.


But now, you might be thinking that this book is stuffed only with religion. And what makes it so fabulous is that it isn't. Brown somehow managed to take the tough-to-mix ingredients and combined into a perfect story: history, religion, action, mystery, and of course, with a twist at the very end. All formulated into this fantastic adventure with a tempo so fast that makes it nearly impossible to put the book down. 


A well-thought out plot that was satisfying to read, especially with all the historical knowledge and geography that I managed to pick up on the way. Of course, I'm sure not all the information is completely reliable, but it has been used in an appropriate way to make a very believable story. Next up of Brown's book is the DaVinci code and I won't deny that I'm excited!

Treasure Island

Title- Treasure Island

Author- Robert Louis Stevenson

Rating- 5/5

Comments- There is a lot more than just action needed to make a book "good". At least that's what I believe. And personally, I think Treasure Island is one of those books that have managed to have just the right amount of adventure, combined with what I perceive as one of the most vital elements in book writing- emotion. 

Unlike the common misconception that most have about classic books, Treasure Island has a opening line that grabs you straight away. 

"Squire Trelawney, Doctor Livesey, and the rest of these gentlemen having asked me to write down the whole particulars about Treasure Island, from the beginning to the end, keeping nothing back, but the bearings of the island, and that only because there is still treasure not yet lifted, I take up my pen in the year of grace 17- and go back to the time when my father kept the Admiral Benbow Inn, and the brown old seaman, with the sabre-cut, first took up his lodging under our roof."

I honestly could not have phrased it better myself. And Stevenson's commendable writing doesn't halt there. One of the reasons that I particularly enjoyed this book was because of his storytelling skills. His ability to phrase things simply enough to be easily understood, but descriptive enough to hold the interest of the reader is certainly admirable and can captivate a wide range of readers which makes this book so wonderful. 

This book has also proved to be one that can be understood on different levels- something that I think requires quite some thought and talent to be able to achieve. It works both as a story for younger audiences as well as a bit of a story that can be interpreted more in-depth. One example of this being the "coming of age" of the main character, Jim. The themes of isolation and greed were also present, conveying, in a sense, the realities of life and mankind.

This is one of those books that I definitely wouldn't mind reading again- both for the in-depth look on it as well as the classic pirate adventure that I doubt anybody can resist. 

Pirates, Cough Drops, and Summer

"Fifteen men on the dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!"


I've been lying curled up all day with Dad's copy of Treasure Island, immersing myself in a world of buccaneers, hidden treasures, and warm tropical islands. The weather has been pretty much the same outside as in the book, but I've been too busy sucking steadily on my endless supply of cough drops in hopes of calming my scratchy throat, and wiping my runny rose, to go outside and enjoy it. 


Shame.


But Robert Louis Stevenson's imagination has been keeping me company so I can hardly complain. 


The end of school approaches. The assignments and tests are done with. Grades have been set. Graduation in a week. I'm pleased. 


And soon I'll be in Japan. Eating delectable traditional food and meeting my sweet grandparents. 


Being ill is pretty terrible, but I've got way too many good things outweighing it to ruin my day. So excuse me, I must return to the doings of the one-legged Captain Long John Silver. 

Life in a nutshell

It's Sunday. It's pouring with rain. And it's May.
Almost summer.


Life has been flying by. Almost too quickly.
Shakespeare Day steadily approaches. I'm starting to get worried about my poor heart. All the stress and the worry. But it'll be all right in the end. I know it.


Spanish nationals on Monday and Math nationals on Tuesday. Help me. Should be bearable though. That is, if I study a bit today.


I'm feeling somewhat blue too.
Less than a month until school ends. Already one year cleared of high school. And only too more remain. And hey, my childhood is just ticking away. The hourglass is running out.


Life. Such a short word. But it's a lot deeper and bigger than it looks. The irony of it makes me laugh.


You know what? I think with a little Carpe Diem, today might be quite a good day.

Here it is, the clip of the day. 

All I can say is, watch and contemplate. Perhaps even shed a little tear, as I did. 

If they wanted to send a message to a sixteen year-old, I hope they know that I, without a doubt, did receive it. 

Dear 16 Year-Old Me

Norwegian Wood

Title- Norwegian Wood

Author- Haruki Murakami

Rating- 5/5

Comments- It's hard to be a proud Japanese when you haven't read at least one of Haruki Murakami's books. That's what I've discovered anyway. Which led me to reading Norwegian Wood. And I must say, that I was not disappointed at all. 


The story is told by Toru Watanabe, a man who looks back at the 1960s- the confusing years when he was just coming of age. He is an average college student, living in a dorm in Tokyo, without much of a clue of what he wants to get out of life. After his only best friend, Kizuki, commits suicide, Toru is left behind with Kizuki's girlfriend, Naoko, with whom he never had much of a strong relationship with. But things start to alter and eventually the two become very close. However, the death of Kizuki seems to scar Naoko much deeper than it does to Toru and she is soon sent off to a rehabilitation center as she tries to recover. 


Toru discovers the love that he has developed for Naoko, and spends most of his time waiting for her to get better. The two exchange letters and he goes to visit her at the center. But Toru's life starts to change after a girl in his drama class, Midori, talks to him and the two develop a strong friendship, which slowly turns into love. 


The decision is then up to Toru- to stay with his past and Naoko or to let go of everything and enter the future with Midori?


Although this book was written about very dark and involves quite depressing issues, it was nearly impossible to put the book down. Murakami deals with feelings so well and it amazed me that he managed to describe lots of feelings that I have found impossible to put into words. And it was so satisfying to just sit, and know what feeling he was talking about due to his thorough descriptions. 


One thing that I believe is a sign of a truly good book, is if you feel like the characters are your closest friends. And for me, I felt like Toru was my best friend, sometimes even myself. Murakami really has a way with descriptions and he leaves such precise imprints on the reader.


I really do take my hat off to him and I can't wait to read his other books. But next book up is the Metamorphosis and later, The Great Gatsby. Oh the excitement of reading new books!