Somewhere, amidst all that homework and university applications and the big mess that we call life, I stopped writing. I just lost the time. Everything was about absorption and regurgitation. Book after book produced essay after essay. It gets to your head, really. Something in me yearns to write. I may be rusty, but it's something that I just need to do. So I'll start now.
In just less than two days, I turn 18.
Legal as a seagull, as I like to put it. The chains will disappear at the strike of 12, and then I'm free to run wherever I'd like.
It used to scare me. I remember when I was younger, and I thought that this would be some sort of incredible moment when everything would suddenly, and finally, be in the palm of my hand. But after many years, I've realized that the world isn't small enough to fit into the palm of my hand. That fireworks weren't going to explode in celebration just because the 8 replaced the 7. That I would wake up and still be the same person. Age is but a number.
I have learned so much during the past few years. I learn things every day. I've learned that not everybody is nice. I've learned that sometimes, those who fake their way to the top, do get there in the end. I've learned that sometimes our efforts don't get rewarded. The world isn't ideal. We wish it were. And heck, there is no harm in seeing reality in a positive light, but we get screwed over. That's a fact.
We have our dreams stamped on. We see through facades. We have our hearts broken. We have to make tough choices. We cry because life simply isn't fair.
For me, turning 18 used to be about the fact that I would be able to walk into a bar and order a beer. But what I have come to realize, is that I don't feel the same way anymore.
Turning 18 is about marking the end of a section of the journey. The completion of one stretch of the long road ahead of me. I am nowhere near the end.
Turning 18 has made me realize that I've grown up. I will learn new things until the day I die, but I think I've come a long way.
18 means that my period as a child will end. Of course it's something that I mourn. But after all the experiences that I have had and the naiveness that I have lost (both for the better and for the worse), I am no longer able to remain in the children's category. After all this exposure to reality, after becoming tainted and tougher, I can't remain a child anymore. I've seen too much.
But that's life. We move on. If we didn't, we'd get bored. It's about rolling forward. Slowly, but surely. I don't have to run away when I turn 18. It'll be a slow walk away from the era I spent 18 comfortable years in.
